Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Soulless no more

I have been throwing a tantrum for two weeks. I am not proud of this. I am trying to stop, but I haven't yet. I know when the tantrum started. I was visiting with a dermatologist. I was trying to get him to give me acutaine. He wouldn't. He wants me to use some expensive cream that has 26% efficacy and 46% adverse events until I am forty. The tantrum began at that moment. I argued the best ways that I could. I pointed out that there are basically no acne treatments that can be taken by pregnant women so why not take care of the problem before pregnancy occurs. This argument didn't work especially since we had just discussed birth control which had turned into a discussion of the immaculate conception during which I made a sarcastic comment which seemed rather offensive to the doctor. (Note to self, no immaculate conception comments in a predominantly Catholic community.) I still do not understand the full impact of my comment (like swearing in a foreign language probably) but I ran it by an ex-Catholic friend who said "You got mad and just went for the throat huh?"

The tantrum continues to be fueled by a consistently imperfect complexion, lost earrings, lost phone charger, faulty memory, exhaustion, bad tech support, and a million other little things. I am probably the most easily frustrated person who exists right now. It's like I have non-stop PMS raised by an order of magnitude. I am aware that the problem is me and not everyone else. That is frustrating too, but I am trying to not take it out on everyone. Marie says that there are just frustrating times in life, but I attribute this (as most things) to brain recovery. I'll take it though. The other night, I felt my brain (I think my thalamus) connect with the left side of my body. Weird, but all the muscles on that side relaxed and I am almost pain free now(Happy day!).

Matt Meyer says I am soulless because I never get frustrated. If his office were next to mine these days, he would probably change his mind.

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