I am learning really basic things these days. For example, Marie is teaching me to read literature. As she reads American Gods, she is explaining it to me. So far she has pointed out parallels with Huckleberry Finn, interesting things about various mythologies, and a lot of humor that would have been lost on me otherwise. It turns out that reading literature is a lot like reading science. You have to look stuff up. Except with science, I usually just have to go to a good dictionary and with literature I guess you look all over, but Google and wikipedia make that pretty easy. I am tempted to get an ipad to make it even easier.
The second thing that I am learning is humor. Marie is hilarious. She started out the funniest conversation I have had in a long time by describing what she interprets as a hat depicting the holy trinity of Disney (Micky, Donald and Goofy). There is Donald's bill and then an ear apiece from the other two. She went on and on about the sacrilege of it. And then I told her about my Sunday school lesson and how the shyest quietest girl in the class read a verse from Genesis that included something about how Abraham sat upon his ass. The whole class lost it. So did Marie when I told her. When she was finally able to talk again, she said it was like when she was teaching English and some kid raised his hand and asked whether right then would be a good time to come out of the closet. She told him that he could go right ahead so he announced to the class that he was gay. Everyone knew he wasn't, but there was no recovery. By that point in the discussion, we both had tears streaming down our faces. I don't know how I have gone this long without fully appreciating Marie's wild sense of humor.
Last, but certainly not least, I have realized that I have the romantic prowess of an 11 year old. That was one of those personal truths that I would rather not have be true. However, once I was done being upset over that realization, I decided that it is incredibly empowering. It means that every negative experience I have ever had with males or that is in anyway related to romance or sexuality is no longer valid. I am letting myself go back to where an eleven year old is and relearn how to fall in love. I am possibly more confident and independent than most eleven year olds, which I hope will enable me to do a better job at this the second time around. At present, holding hands and talking about random goofy things are lots of fun. I think that more will follow in response to mutual trust, kindness, attraction, and commitment rather than by pressure or degradation.
4 years ago